Didn t know i was gay
by Fred Penzel, PhD
This article was initially published in the Winter edition of the OCD Newsletter.
OCD, as we know, is largely about experiencing severe and unrelenting doubt. It can cause you to disbelief even the most basic things about yourself – even your sexual orientation. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that among a group of college students, 84% reported the occurrence of sexual intrusive thoughts (Byers, et al. ). In order to have doubts about one’s sexual identity, a sufferer need not ever hold had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual life at all. I own observed this symptom in young children, adolescents, and adults as well. Interestingly Swedo, et al., , establish that approximately 4% of children with OCD trial obsessions concerned with forbidden aggressive or perverse sexual thoughts.
Although doubts about one’s own sexual identity might seem pretty straightforward as a symptom, there are actually a number of variations. The most apparent form is where a sufferer experiences the consideration that they mig
Gina Battye: How I Knew I Was Gay
By Gina Battye
It all started when I was 9 years old.
I didn’t perceive it at the time but the tell-tale signs were present.
Signs That I Was Gay
My first school organised one of those adventure holiday things for kids in their final year; fond of a summer camp. We went abseiling, horse riding, canoeing and did loads of army boot-camp type activities.
You want to know something. Back then, I was a super shy, quiet kid. I know, I know – it’s hard to accept. But it’s true.
I was anxious about two things around the trip; I had long hair and struggled to tie it into a ponytail on my own and I was worried about being away from home. It was my first time away from my mum for an extended period of time and I was really nervous about it.
Turns out, I didn’t need to concern at all. I had a really great teacher and LOVED doing archery, quad biking and building rafts out of sticks and barrels. It was really good fun.
I was an avid photographer, even assist then. I loved to take activity pictures of my family and fri
The year I turned 20 was the year I became the sum of a thousand little brown boxes and sleek gray envelopes. Neat, tiny packages of boyshorts in every color with athletic waistbands arrived at my door. A vintage brown leather jacket made its way to me from the s, so authentic I had to chop the shoulder pads out. The used brown leather lace-up boots I would wear for the next three years before they fell apart again and again and again arrived last, in a small box at the end of winter. They were a perfect fit.
The shopping was a ritual. Each time, it went the same way: I ripped open boxes and plastic shipping envelopes and peeled support stickers and seals and marveled at things that felt prefer the limbs I didn’t see I’d lost in the war. I tried them on alone and then put them away, pristine and almost untouched, tiny reminders of who I might be — if I could ever decide who that was.
I was the girl who wore a string of oversize pearls with patterned rompers, camisoles and tunics, big floral purses, sundresses, and sweaters. But that year, I put on men’s V-necks and boyshorts and l
Suzi Ruffell: 'I didn't realize I was gay until I watched Kate Winslet in Titanic'
Comedian speaks about her sexuality, homophobic heckles and class in comedy
Suzi Ruffell has revealed she didn’t realise she was gay until she watched Kate Winslet in Titanic… and even then pretended to be straight for several years.
The comic also said she used humour as a defence mechanism to distract school peers from discovering her sexuality – yet even now is frequently targeted with homophobic heckles when on stage.
Speaking on the podcast How To Fail with Elizabeth Day, year-old Ruffell said: ‘ I didn't know I was same-sex attracted until I saw Monstrous. I went to the cinema when I was 12 to see Huge and yes, there is nudity, but she's also a kick-ass character who owns her sexuality and knows who she is in the world and doesn't want to be closed in by what the world expects of her.
‘I went home and I was really muddled by it and then I went to spot the film seven times at the ABC Portsmouth and the first period I cried because I was thi