The gay connection
Gay Men in Open Relationships: What Works?
Hint: It will take a lot of work.
As a couples counselor working with gay men I am often asked my opinion on monogamy and open LGBTQ relationships. What works for men in long-term relationships? First, the research.
Several research studies show that about 50% of gay male couples are monogamous and about 50% allow for sex outside of the partnership. The research finds no difference in the level of happiness or stability among these groups.
Next, my opinions and advice, based on my therapy practice.
Talk About It Openly With Your Partner
If you and your partner want to have a close bond and have additional sex partners, be prepared for a lot of talking. And Im not just referring to discussions about when, where and with whom. I mean talking about feelings, what we therapists call processing.
If that kind of conversation makes you squirm, I grasp. Most men are not socialized to embrace the sharing of intimate and vulnerable emotions. However, if you arent willing to experiment with processing then I suspect
What Gay Men Should Expect in a Relationship
Some gay men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, hibernate with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current partner, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch.
Heres what I discover most concerning. Some gay men dont feel they include a right to be upset about these behaviors. Theyll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I assist them let proceed of their possessiveness. They think that the gay society believes in sexual freedom and it isnt cool or manly to oppose to their partners sexual behavior.
In other words, they experience shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship deed among straight people. When gay men tell
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Description
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Introduction
“Here goes nothing”, I think to myself as I once again find myself downloading the ever-daunting dating LGBTQIA+ apps that will either be a source of unequaled happiness or spiraling doom. Dating is undeniably terrifying. The whole concept of meeting strangers and organism vulnerable with them in the hopes that something comes out of that interaction, be that something a hook-up, a concise or long term partnership or maybe just even a friendship, is overwhelmingly bizarre. But the potential of that “something” maybe happening is in and of itself a truly beautiful experience.
I constantly joke around with close friends that I am ready for a relationship. I crave the emotional and physical intimacy that comes with one. My friends, being my most violent advisors, always say the same thing, “Derek saying you want a bond is worthless if you don’t put yourself out there. In order to find a relationship, you need to well, date.” And running the chance of inflating my friends egos, they’re right. The only way to discover someone, is by